


Lessons We Learn

by Shadowtravelingtitans



Series: Saphael Week 2k17 [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fix-It, Light Angst, M/M, Saphael Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 04:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12124917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowtravelingtitans/pseuds/Shadowtravelingtitans
Summary: All in all, it had been quite eventful. His main conclusion though was this: He’s been kind of a dick.He knows he’s fucked up with Raphael multiple times. His dinner with Maia and his family, admitting his wrong doings, having Maia tell him he’s been kind of full of himself, well...It’s eye opening to say the least.





	Lessons We Learn

“Isabelle, I really don’t think this is a good idea.” 

“Simon, come on, you want to get rid of Raphael or not?”

“I do, but...” He looked at the old woman sitting on the bench, so defenseless and unaware of the dangers that were around her. He thought of how in a few decades that would be his mom, or even Becky. He couldn’t imagine what he would feel if someone tried to pull what he was about to on them. Hell, even when Raphael had met his mom at the coffee shop that one time, he had felt uneasy. And at least he could get to her, it was night after all.

Except, now, he’s different. He knows how valuable family is to him and he imagines, if what Isabelle said was true, about the bingo and tamales, than family is important to Raphael as well. And he doesn’t mess with family.

“...Not like this Isabelle. I can’t do this to him.” He stated and started to turn away before a hand shot out and grabbed his arm. 

“Why not? This is your chance.” She asked, confusion written clearly on her face. Simon knows a little bit more about shadowhunters to know that she doesn’t mean this in a bad way. Shadowhunters are hunters for a reason. They strive to find someone’s weakest point and use it against them, especially in regards to downworlders, whether they outwardly admit their prejudice or not. 

So he sighs and decides that her line of thinking for this tactic is, in most part, her shadowhunter training and some bits of oversight. He gently places his hand on her’s.

“How would you feel, if...for some reason, I don’t know, you and Max are super far apart and...let’s say you can’t get to him easily.” He looks at her to see if she’s listening and he is met with an intense look. He waits for her permission to continue, which she gives with a slow nod.

“Okay. Then let’s add the fact that someone is trying to get to you, someone wants you to either stop what you’re doing or threaten you, or whatever drama you shadowhunters manage to find. And they use Max. They don’t hurt him, they just make you aware of the fact that they know who he is and where to find him. How would you...how would you feel?” He asks, his voice calm and smooth.

He watches the realization slowly dawn on her face, before she’s switching back and forth between looking at him and Rosa, her face morphing into shame.

“By the Angel, I..I didn’t realize. I am so sorry I even suggested this.” She’s visibly upset, tears forming at the corners of her eyes and he knows Lightwoods are all about family. He knows so he lets it go that this horrible idea was her’s and holds her for a little, offering what little comfort he can. He knows she’ll beat herself up for this incident for weeks to come, but he wants her to focus on that fact that she realized her mistake before she made it.

“Hey, listen. You didn’t go through with you, you didn’t make me go through with it, so it’s fine. It was a bad idea, yes, definitely, a hundred percent...But we didn’t do it. What we can do is leave now and I’ll  figure out another way to get Raphael off my case...or something.” She nods her head and that is the end of that.

* * *

It takes him a few days to actually confront Raphael. In the meantime though, he’s found out that Clary was still in love with Jace, that maybe dating Clary had been kind of a last ditch attempt at holding on to his former life, he was framed for murder, tried to ask Raphael for help, ended up killing a vampire, and reexamined his life since he became a vampire.

All in all, it had been quite eventful. His main conclusion though was this: He’s been kind of a dick. 

He knows he’s fucked up with Raphael multiple times. His dinner with Maia and his family, admitting his wrong doings, having Maia tell him he’s been kind of full of himself, well...It’s eye opening to say the least.

He doesn’t regret saving Jocelyn. He doesn’t regret saving the women he saw as a second mother, especially when his mother has turned to drinking to accept the passing of his father. Jocelyn, Luke, and Clary are forever important to him, especially during his darker moment growing up. 

But he does regret how he did it. He regrets having let Camille go and that it hurt the clan, but mostly because it hurt Raphael. He regrets that he wanted no part to do with her capture afterwards and that he made Raphael to be some sort of bad guy when in reality he just couldn’t deal with the guilt of hurting someone who trusted him. Damn his Hufflepuff nature.

He regrets that Raphael got hurt by Aldertree. He regrets that he forced Magnus’s hand in ridding the world of his ex, something the man should have never had to deal with. He regrets making Raphael his maid and demanding, without ever thanking him, that he help him out of one sticky situation after another. He regrets that he turned his back on a family that he would have come to enjoy, had he just given them a chance.

And in regretting and admitting to himself his dickish ways, he’s realized something else: He really, really likes Raphael.

He liked that Raphael wanted to help him. He liked that Raphael, volunteered to train him. He liked that he would offer him blood and sit and listen to him ramble on and on about his mom, his sister, Clary, and how much he missed his old life. He swears his heart fluttered when Raphael asked him to stick around, offering up some bogus title, just to make him feel more at home. And when was the last time someone really gave a shit about whether he felt at home or not? 

And then there were the things that Simon loved about him. His smirk whenever Simon or someone in the clan made a funny remark. The way he would listen to Simon explain in detail the importance of watching Star Wars in a specific order, exasperated, but still attentive. The way he would place a hand on his shoulder or guide him with a hand on his elbow, always lingering. The way he’d sit with him after he’d have a nightmare and he wouldn’t say anything, just let Simon cry it out and then hold him. The way he said  _ baby  _ that always made him feel, not inadequate, but protected. Like he was someone important to him and the clan.

The point is, a lot had changed between the Rosa almost fiasco and the moment he meets Raphael again. He doesn’t really know what to say when he gets to the Hotel. All he knows is that he needs to at least apologize, if nothing else can be done. He vaguely wonders if vampires are connected through some bond when Lily lets him in without a snarl and the rest of the clan seem almost calm about his presence. He doesn’t even need to ask, before Cordelia says that Raphael is in his office and smiles reassuringly at him. 

And that’s how he finds himself, knocking on the clan leader’s door, hesitating slightly when he hears the words ‘come in’, before turning the knob and entering the space, then shutting the door behind him.

“What do you want fledgling?” Raphael asks, eyes not leaving whatever paperwork he was reading. It’s cute, he thinks, how dedicated Raphael is to running the clan. A definite family man.

He doesn’t really know what to say. At all. He has some ideas. Maybe ask him about his day first. But Simon isn’t really the type to follow a plan through, or really think anything through when it comes to feelings so, he blurts out the first phrase in his mind.

“I’m sorry I’ve been a dick to you.” He states, his voice slightly wavering. He has one hand in his pocket, messing with a loose string and the other is currently fidgeting with the zipper of his maroon hoodie. He eyes are on Raphael though, and they refuse to move. 

For his part, Raphael seems to stop completely for a beat, before turning to look at Simon. His face is a mix of shock and confusion, before he schools his features, somewhat, into a thoughtful expression. 

“That was not what I was expecting,” he says as pushes his chair away from the desk. “But I appreciate the apology.” Simon watches as he adjusts his suit and stands up, making his way towards him. He’s not going to lie, Raphael has this way of walking, this confidence, that literally takes his breathe way. Except right now he can’t think about that. He doesn’t deserve that yet.

Raphael stops at least two feet in front of him. He’s doing that thing where he gives Simon a once over, deliberately, like he’s trying to find out if he’s telling the truth. Dissecting him, bit by bit. He’d be happy about the once over look if it wasn’t rooted in skepticism and distrust, but he supposes he’s earned it. 

“I don’t think you’re lying. I know you’re sorry. I just don’t know what you want me to do about it.” He states, and honestly Simon doesn’t know either. He just didn’t want to keep going on knowing he’d hurt the person who has watched his back more times than he can remember and not apologize. He laughs, sounding more like a broken off sob than anything else but he laughs. 

“I don’t. I didn’t come here expecting anything. Not even forgiveness or understanding. I just. I wanted you to know that I do appreciate what you’ve done for me. And I’m sorry that I treated you like this bad guy when all you were really doing was helping me. And I’m sorry that you got hurt because of Aldertree. And I’m sorry that I set Camille free and that you got in trouble and that I put your credibility on the line. And I’m sorry about making you a delivery boy, you’re definitely not one, you are so much more important than that, and I’m sorry that-”

“Simon.” He froze. Sometime during his spiel his hands had joined together and he had started picking at his skin. The older boy had placed his hand on top in order to stop both the picking and the ramble. Simon didn’t look up. He hadn’t meant to say  _ that  _ much and his eyes stung from the tears that threatened to spill out. 

“Simon, look at me.” He prodded again, gently, lower his head in an attempt to catch Simon’s eyes. The fledgling gave in and looked at the clan leader. And of course Raphael was looking at him like that. Like he’d forgiven him the moment he walked through the door. Cause that’s what he did, he forgave and forgave, even when he didn’t have to. He startled a little when Raphael place his hand on his cheek, using his thumb to wipe away at a stray tear. G--, he really loved this man.

“Baby, it’s okay. I understand that this whole thing is scary and new. I understand why you fought me on everything. I get it, every vampire goes through the same thing. Your situation was worse because of you connection with the shadowhunters, and that’s not really your fault either. I understand, okay? And I forgive you.”

“But-” Raphael shook his head.

“No, buts. I forgive you. The clan forgave you way before I did.” He stated a smirk slowly gracing his face. “Besides, they’re missed the baby of the clan. I think it’s time you came home.”

Simon looked at him like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He wanted him back? Raphael wanted him back home? Before he could stop himself he felt the tears run down his face and he tried to stifle the sob that creeped up his throat. Raphael quickly brought his other hand up to the opposite side of his face, trying to wipe away the onslaught of tears.

“Shsh, baby, what’s wrong?” He used the nickname freely, as if Simon hadn’t done all those horrible things to him. Like he hadn’t hurt Raphael way too many times to even consider being forgiven, much less offered a place back home. For the second time that night he wonders if vampires have a connection, because Raphael seems to read his mind.

“Simon, baby, I have lived too long to be able to hold any grudges. I have made too many mistakes, some of them recent, to be able to say whether or not you get forgiven. Eternity is a long time to stay angry. So I don’t want to be angry at you anymore.” Simon managed to pull himself together in order to say in a steady voice.

“Did you?” Raphael raised one perfect eyebrow. “Did you miss me?” Simon pressed, because he had to know. He realizes that it might not mean what he wants it to mean, but he’ll take what he can get at this point.

Raphael pauses for a minute and the world around seems to stop as he looks into Simon’s eyes. He wonders what his clan leader sees. Does he see the fear in his eyes? The apprehension? The hope? 

“I did.” Is what he finally settles on and though they are simple words, they mean a lot to Simon in that moment. He feels his face break out into a large smile and he probably looks like an idiot, red rimmed eyes, with tear tracks on his cheeks, and the biggest, dopey like smile on his face, but he doesn’t care. Not when Raphael offers his own shy smile back.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!
> 
> I hope everyone is having a good Saphael Week 2017. This is actually my first Saphael story, but it won't be my last. This is for day one, the Fix-it of some sorts.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!


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